Reality TV: My Thoughts on Southern Charm

To celebrate the return of Southern Charm, I’m sharing my thoughts on the first three seasons, which I binged last summer (also when I wrote this post). Catch Southern Charm on Bravo on Monday nights.

Hold onto your horses y’all, because this is gonna be one hell of a post. About a week ago I decided to listen to my trusty reality TV gurus, Jackie Schimmel of The Bitch Bible and Stassi Schroeder of Vanderpump Rules and Straight Up with Stassi, and give Southern Charm a shot. Stassi in particular has talked about it a lot on her podcast as of late and while I had seen a couple of episodes, it had never really grabbed my attention before. But it’s summer, which means I’m staying up late, and so rather than be productive during those midnight hours, I figured I would spend my time binge watching three seasons of a reality show. And it was so, so worth it. I am hooked. I finished the final episode of season three last night and I am already having withdrawals. Thank God The Bachelorette is on tonight. Anyway, because this is my blog and I do what I want, I’m going to share my thoughts on all three seasons of Southern Charm with you. And hopefully it is enough to convince you to go out and watch so I have someone to talk to about my newest obsession.

southern charm 1

Season 1: Not going to lie, it took me a few episodes to really get into Southern Charm. I almost stopped watching, but thank God I hung in there. Around episode 4 is when I really started to get into it, and from there I was hooked. Some thoughts on Season 1:

–Why do they have this weird tendency to call it French kissing? Like I haven’t heard that term/phrase used since elementary school, but this seemed to be a pretty common way to refer to making out. Is this a Southern thing?

–Patricia is my new idol. For so, so many reasons. Calling martinis medicine? Awesome. Having a dressing drink? Awe-inspiring. Employing a butler to bring me said dressing drink? Life goals.

–Why do these men constantly act like little boys?

–Cameran is my girl. Though I hate how she eats like a frat boy and stays stick thin. Not fair.

–Why is Jenna always wearing one leather glove a la Madonna in the 80’s?

–Why do they keep referring to Planet Hollywood as some big successful restaurant chain? Are there any Planet Hollywoods still open?

–I have never seen anyone use a shoe horn before.

–Why do many of these people constantly sound like they are drunk? Are they actually drunk or is just the accent?

Overall: So no spoilers here, but the end of this season is what really convinced me to keep going. Cameran refers to it as the Hot Mess Express, and she is right. I was extremely excited to see what happened in Season 2.

southern charm 2

Season 2: Since Season 1 ended with a somewhat shocking revelation  (assuming you know nothing about the show or the cast members), I jumped right into Season 2 as soon as I finished with the first one. Thoughts on Season 2:

–Thomas and his raise the roof ad is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen. I live in LA and would consider myself to be pretty liberal. I would not vote for that man. I can’t imagine any South Carolina conservatives watching that and being like I want that guy to represent me. WTF?

–“Shepistotle”…hilarious. Also, I think we got a much better sense this season of how intelligent these guys really are, which leads into…

–Vocabulary. These cast members (well, most of them) are clearly very well read and well educated. They use words that I have never even heard of. I actually feel like I’m learning something while watching.

–Whitney was a huge dick at Craig’s parents’ house. Because I listen to Stassi, I knew going in that Whitney is an executive producer on the show. That seemed like a very calculated move to stir some shit up, and I think that is lame on his part.

–Charleston Academy of Domestic Pursuits. I mean, seriously? How is this a thing? I’m all for cooking lessons, but domestic pursuits? WTF?

–Shep was a total dick at the auction. Shep, you were jealous of Craig. Just admit it and move on.

Overall: There were some great moments in this season, but watching Kathryn run down the dock in her fur coat screaming at Thomas was one of the highlights. I feel like so much of what she does is exaggerated for the cameras, but I love it anyway.

southern charm 3

Season 3: Oh, I have so many thoughts on the most recent season. I have conflicting emotions on a lot of things that happened, and about a lot of the people involved. Hopefully this all makes sense. Let’s start out light:

–Patricia saying “I have no interest in an inferior martini” is the best thing ever. Me neither, Pat, me neither.

–I feel like this is the only reality show on TV where the women actually eat, which is refreshing. However, I am so jealous of how they eat compared to how freakin skinny they are.

–I now want to host a flamingo party.

–Landon and her magazine = delusional. You have an okay idea (certainly not one that hasn’t already been done) and you have all this time to prepare a pitch and you can’t even come up with a mock website? I mean, eleven year olds can create their own website in like a half an hour. Join the 21st century and start a blog, Landon. The good news for you is even if it sucks, you’ll still get tons of traffic because you’re on TV.

–Shep’s red bowtie/cummerbund combo at the Founder’s Ball. I felt like I was at prom.

Now let’s get serious.

–Kathryn and Thomas. The South’s own Romeo and Juliet. I go so back and forth with these two. On the one hand, I do feel like Thomas made some promises (and on camera nonetheless) about taking care of Kathryn and the kids that he (to the best of my knowledge) has not kept. He clearly has enough money to be providing a very stable life for his family. On the other hand, if Thomas is (as he claimed at the reunion) paying Kathryn’s $3100/month rent AND the salaries of the nannies (because you can’t have just one) then Kathryn needs to shut the eff up. There are thousands of single mothers out there making do with WAY less, in terms of money and support, so it is hard for me to feel sorry for her on that front. Also, it does not cost more than $2500/month to raise a child. Trust me, I’m doing it in one of the most expensive cities in the country for much less. I do feel for Kathryn when it comes to the group because they were kind of assholes to her for most of the season, but she certainly doesn’t do herself any favors when it comes to her image. She showed up at the reunion looking like she was heading to the local Ren Faire with her handmade choker (she’s starting a business!) and basically acted crazy the whole time. Had she been calm and mature and maybe slightly coherent, she would have fared much better.

–Landon. I really liked Landon in Season 2, despite her constant awkward giggles, but in Season 3 she really pissed me off. First, her “career” conversations were just annoying. Like I am all about being creative and finding your passion and blah blah blah, but be an adult and pick a path. Do something. Second, I don’t know how you can say you never did anything to Kathryn when you talked shit about her the whole season, didn’t invite her to Shep’s birthday even though he specifically asked you to, then lied about not inviting her to make it look like she just didn’t show up. That is junior high level cattiness, and despite Thomas acting psychotic at that dinner party, he was right when he called you catty and you deserved that. Plus, you totally slept with Thomas and the fact that you continue to lie about it makes you look pathetic. YOUR friend said “Is Landon finally going to admit she slept with Thomas.” There is no speculation there. She stated it as a fact. It happened. Stop lying.

–Cameran. Despite my instant love for her at the beginning of the series, I was annoyed with Cameran most of this season. Again, while his delivery was way off, when Thomas called her sanctimonious and judgmental, he wasn’t wrong. Not wanting to be around Kathryn and Thomas is one thing, but to straight up refuse to go to coffee with Kathryn was just mean. Maybe if you tried being nice, you could be a good, calming influence on her.

–Whitney. Never been a huge fan of Whitney, but I totally believe Kathryn when it comes to the extent of their relationship. She has no reason to lie about it, and he does. Plus the small bits of footage they showed (again, remember he is an exec producer so he has some say it what gets aired) definitely supported Kathryn’s claims that they had more than a one night stand. I’m #TeamKathryn on this one.

–Shep and Craig. You’re adorable and I love you. I think it’s admirable that you at least attempt to include Kathryn and defend her, even if she doesn’t always make it easy on you.

Overall: While a large part of me does feel bad for Kathryn, I also have a hard time being sympathetic because she is a huge part of the problem. Not getting pregnant is not rocket science, and you did it not once, but twice, with a man you knew was going to be difficult. I really hope they get their custody shit taken care of before next season because those parts are hard for me to watch. Once you become a parent you lose the right to act like a child all the time (once in a while is okay) so I feel like they both need to get their shit together and focus on being good parents. And everyone else needs to stay the hell out of their relationship and stop being such jerks.

Needless to say, I am beyond excited for the next season of Southern Charm. There is a good chance I will rewatch the first three seasons before then because that’s how strong the addiction is. The struggle is real y’all.

Have you watched Southern Charm? Let me know your thoughts, I need some fellow watchers to debrief with!

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